I havent blogged in a while. My apologies to my followers.
Today was kind of a rough day. I had an exam this morning at 9am, and for some reason (I don’t know why at all) I set my alarm to wake up at 830am and I live an hour and a half away. As I threw on my clothes and sped to school I just prayed please let the time I’m missing not be necessary for me to complete the exam. When I got to school, the whole class was already finishing up the first of 2 pages. (I’m toast) I started writing the exam, and was just really frazzled from being so rushed. By the time I had to hand in my exam, I had only the first page done and a few things on the second page….but not much at all. Even if i got all possible 55 marks on the first page, that is not enough marks for me to pass the exam. When she asked to hand it in, I couldn’t help but cry. I went into that exam with an A: 90%. And that final was worth 25%. I was really super choked about it. I just felt so helpless. There was nothing that I could do to change the outcome. I couldn’t even be around the people in my class after because everyone started asking me about the exam and all I wanted to do was cry.
This semester, I have worked so incredibly hard to achieve good grades. I was hoping to get straight A’s this semester. But that will definitely not happen. The way I felt is that I just put in all this effort for the semester, and got A’s on all my assignments and now this one exam is going to bring my mark down, and I just feel like all that work I put in was for nothing because I won’t be awarded with the grade. And it is like, that exam doesn’t reflect at all the knowledge that I have.
So I was pretty choked the rest of the day. I was just really glum and being self-critical. Then a couple hours ago, my friend from school sent me this message:
You seemed a little down today, so I wanted to write and say that you’re one of the brightest lights in my life.
I read your blog a little while ago and your commitment to God is inspiring to me. You were writing about being sure in knowing that you are living the season that He wants you do be living, and it was such a wake up call for me. I’ve been struggling with not being able to say that for the last 2 years.
I see you living in this world, but not being influenced by the things that go on here. You’re so strong in your walk with God that it shows me how much better I could and should be doing. At school I’ll say something stupid or think something I shouldn’t be thinking, and then I’ll see you in class and be reminded about how sinfully I’ve been acting. It makes me stive to be closer to God and to live purely.
All this is just to say that you’re an incredible encouragement. Also you bring joy to our music program. Keep it up, and keep smiling. 1 Peter 1:7-8. Joy unspeakable and full of glory!
After reading that, I didn’t even know how to feel. That was such a nice message to get, but I just felt like, kind of not that I was fully living for God the past couple weeks, but that I was living for grades, and to do well in school. And it sounds kind of lame, but it can actually entangle you and you become obsessed with trying to be the best and get the best grades. But after reading that, and just reflecting on the day now, I really feel like everything that happened today was a bit of a wake up call to me from God. If I hadn’t been late for my exam, I would have done well and been feeling great and never received this message of encouragement.
Last night, revolution went house to house, and we split up into our different age groups. So all the young adults met together. We had fun playing games and visiting, but when it came to worship, the atmosphere was just so incredible. The Holy Spirit was present and I couldn’t help but weep almost the whole night during worship reflecting on the love of God for his children and how even though WE are the sinners, Christ died for US because he loved us. How amazing! I was just caught in his love last night! And I have gotten over my exam now, after thinking about it, but really, I think God did that for a reason to just remind me to not become entangled in trying to be the best, and that it is ok when things like this happen. In the end, its one exam, and one grade. What does that do for me in heaven….absolutely nothing.
So anyways, I really just wanted let you guys know how easy it is to get wound up in something, whether it be addictions, school, people…in the end, God will pick you up and plop you back down on the path that you’re meant to be on as long as you trust in him. Sometimes, like me, you don’t even really notice that you are straying from the path until something happens, like what happened to me this morning, and then it becomes the biggest deal in the world. God is bigger than all our problems and HE is the BIGGEST DEAL in the world! So rely on him and put your trust in him and he will guide your paths.
I am so thankful for the encouragement that comes from the people you have placed in my life Lord. Somehow, people know exactly what to say at just the right time. That can only come from you God. Praise you Father!